TEAR BEAR

she holds the only piece of security she has
her world was taken away from her at birth
in her mind, life is a cruel place
only known a life of a vagabond
moved around from family to family
love is as small as a speck of dust
hate is as big as a skyscraper
her world was taken away from her at birth
never had anthing secure to hold onto
never had a real mother or father
and she doesn't want to know those who gave her up
she now holds the only piece of security she has
tear bear


© 1991, 2005 thomas bates

#18

the week has been great but long
weather fine but excruciating at times
friends meet and new one are made
gathering grounds of kaliedoscope souls
voices carry and mingle with those dear
a communion for everyone to partake
we join in the music and the dance
and it puts us all into a trance
as we spin and spin and fall down

© 2003 thomas bates

#17

i constantly prune the branches of my tree of life
many years have gone by and it is still not ripe
many relationships and friendships have slipped into oblivion
pruning out the bad infections has become my obssession
in the beginning the fruit was delicious
every relationship and friendship was precious
through time, hurt and pain had set in and smothered maturity
and so came the time to prune out the impurities
cutting them away sometimes by stem or by the entire branch
so their negativity or resentment shall not spread
to not scar the rings of the years to come
to keep the heart guarded and forever young

© 2005 thomas bates

PRISON OF THE SKULL

the voices in his head
grew silent in the end
his eyes rolled back in their sockets
and his hands fell out of their pockets
in his right hand was hidden a knife
this was his last act of violence tonight
from behind the head to the front temple
a bullet hole left the body crippled
with relief the coroner pronounced him dead
his reign of terror had come to an end
scientist have asked to study his brain
to take note of dementia under strain
to their shock as they cut open his skull
they found little claw marks all over the hull
the voices in his head had taken shape of demons
and the host had become their temporal prison
only through death did he find relief
for only then were the fallen released

© 2005 thomas bates

KINGDOM OF THE ZAO

darkness envelopes
as the lights come into play
he stands there covered
blood and sweat
he dominated the night
his serfs run amuk and defy authority
the night belongs to them all
the kingdom of the dark shroud
split into two by the screams of the night

© 2003 thomas bates

ORGANIZED RELIGION/RETRIBUTION

we are your controllers
we have you by the strings
please try to leave... we dare you to
will you be able to find the door,
before the thought police find you?
stand up and sing our chosen anthem
give up your free will and become one
no one has yet questioned us before
so we will keep on conditioning you
over and over and over till you break
only a few of you are strong and resistant
but in fear, you stay silent not to be found
our truth seekers are searching for you
no matter how locked up you stay
we will break you down just like the rest
and install the fear and guilt inside you
and never again shall you threaten us again

© 2005 thomas bates

TO SMILE AT THE FUTURE

there is this hole inside of me that no one can see
i can feel it's edge at my throat and falling down into my chest
not even those who are close to me can get beyond the surface
it gets hard to breathe sometimes because of this void
which is there because of that missing person in my life
you cannot even fathom how it feels unless you go through hell
because it will be the claws of the devil himself taking them away
ripping every piece and essence out of your weakening grasp
someday i will find that special someone to fill that hole inside of me
to discover the most important key to the mystery of the life itself
to open up a new chapter in my life and to be there for the rebirth
as i step up from the grave inside of me and breathe in new life
and grasp every moment i get and enjoy it to its fullest
then fill up this hole inside of me with love and memories
and pat it all down with the security of honesty and trust
finally smile for the new dawn has found me and life has just begun

© 2005 thomas bates

GOODBYE

what happened to me and you?
for it was you i looked up to
but you are not the same anymore
your footsteps are fading on the floor
whoever impressed me to be
has now died infront of me
i do not know where you have gone or what to do
except to now part ways and say goodbye to you

© 2005 thomas bates

#16

my heart is timid
my heart is fragile
when i see you i see my failures
when i see you i see my lost chance
i had a chance to talk to you, but i ran away
you do not have to like me, i understand
you can ignore me and just walk on by
keeping your eyes set ahead of you
and letting me blur into the background
for i do not deserve your recognition
i rather crawl into the cracks in the ground
out of sight and out of mind
yet everytime i see you, my heart skips a beat
the "what ifs" run through my head after you're gone
and then i am faced with my current situation
of not having you by my side, enjoying your company
was it that i did not see a ring on your finger this time?
or is that my eyes are starting to fail on me
and eventually it will not be you i will see at all
and you will forever disappear out of my life
and i will be alone again wishing i could have spoken to you
to get past that cordial greeting and get to know you
to become friends and finally get past the awkward moments

© 2005 thomas bates

ALONE IS TO NOT MOVE ON

to be in between is me
drifting out in the vast openess
your breath is lingering behind
i close my eyes and remember how it was
i am afraid how it will be now without you
to move on through the unknown alone
many are to come : temporal replacements
try on various gloves till i feel finally back at home
but in my silence i am surrounded by your memories
and the brokeness of your longing desires are smothering me
i try to lose myself in random playlists
trying to find something different and new
to escape the pain you carved into my heart
however you end up back around once in awhile
because there are times when i still reach out to you
but it is time to let go... since you left a long time ago

© 2005 thomas bates

SWEPT 6FT UNDER THE RUG

collect all my thoughts
spring cleaning has begun
throw out the old ghosts
scrutiny the new hosts
traitors aren't welcomed here
these eyes have banned tears
the messages have been erased
no longer do i sit old names
no longer do i labor their load
i bury them forever 6ft below

© 1997 thomas bates

WE ARE FRAGILE

what can we be proud of?
how can we live on?
tears of frustration and regret
how can we ever forget?
years of pain
what did we gain?
nothing except lessons of how to avoid certain issues
yet barricades do eventually fall and you're faced with "you"
you run and don't stand
many voices behind your back
ramble, ramble, ramble, ramble... on
keep putting the blame on someone
tear down someone to justify the means
yet you're the instigator to this attack on self-esteem
fear is a mind killer
become a fallen broken pillar
to accomplish something, you might never know
till someone hits you upside the face and shows
a diary of painful experiences
is a glimpse of life's lessons
to teach discipline and self-will
then fear can be killed

© 1997 thomas bates

THE DANCE

the mass floods the area
arms are flailing through this two step
bandana faces bring protection and obscurity
each their own island and ocean
each their own style and language
chaos and passion is found in this strange union
an artform of its own is in flux with evolution
spinning and weaving a wonderful tapestry in the grass
dust rises and falls with each birth pain
the celebration of expression and individualism

© 2003, 2005 thomas bates

#15

you have wakened the god of blood
his wrath will soon run the neighborhood
to eradicate impurity with his horde
every head not bowing will feel his sword
somewhere along the way though our naive ways
we have awakened this blood god and now have to pay
but his time is short as like many gods before him
he shall fall into the earth's firey core within
so he will try to take as many souls with him as he can
to burn for eternity with him in his city of the damned

© 2005 thomas bates

#14

angels and demons always cross my path
my paranoia is still rampid in my head
some are really beautiful, but which i do not know
only when you take the time, you shall see their soul
just a glance across the room into their eyes
a lingering question in your head tries to hide
would it be worth the anxiety to speak,
or should you take guard behind the keep?
it is a chance that can sometimes reap benefits
or it is a perfect disaster waiting to happen

© 2005 thomas bates

#13

i grabbed the lampshade, turned off the light
i needed to sit this through alone in the night
only through my vain desires, i got you to trust me
but the real side of me isn't the person you see

far back in the shadows of my mind and out of sight
the real me is asking to come out into the light
but i remembered the memories and the pain
so i rejected the proposal and pulled down the shades

and that one night, i have lied
to get you to like me... but why?

i am now only an empty shell, nothing tangible lasts
i just hope you won't have any doubts on who i am
however, sometime i have to change my ways
i just wish i will never have to see that day

i wish i had stayed inside and not hurt you
just once i could have been happy, i'm a fool
and that one night, i have lied
to get you to like me... but why?

© 1996, 2005 thomas bates

IN THE MOONLIGHT

oh how beautiful the night
to be cast in the orange moonlight
we laughed and talked and had a good time
but time stole away and now it is upon nigh
she's so beautiful and youthful in the light
her features so detailed and those eyes
they light up when she smiles
but there's a distance between us she keeps for miles
for she belongs to another's caress and care
but still she stands, looking at the moon over there
glimmering stars dance in her eyes
she looks at me, smiles and says goodbye

© 2002 thomas bates

#12

to love is to give a second chance
letting the past remain in the furnace
to burn out the hurt and pain in the white heat
to move on and remember not what happened between
to hate is to let it all die, to not ressurect
left behind at the wake with your disrespect
yet it always comes back growing from a seed inside
and it will once grow to maturity and destroy your life
if not confronted, forever you shall avoid the day
when everything tied to fate brings it back round your way
whenver the time comes which one shall you rely on?
i have picked both solutions to different situations
i am still running to avoid the reunion of hate
one day it shall find me and i shall meet my fate
to lay forever inside that one person's head
pale and cold in the eternal sleep of the dead

© 2005 thomas bates

THE WAY TO ROME

hey how are you tonight?
you better not give me another lie
do me a favor and walk away
spare me another glance at your face
but yet you face me and tell me another lie
i was not the one who you wanted by your side

the way to rome
the way to rome
can easily destroy
everything i wanted to give
the way to rome
the way to rome
can easily destroy
the memory of us to live

© 2001, 2005 thomas bates

EXAMINATION : COMDEMNATION

why are there certain people you cannot have
already their hearts are stamped by an invisible brand
you wonder what it is about you that doesn't attract
what can you do, what things about you can you subtract
is it by years?
is it your fears?
is it your face?
is it your name?
when will the day come,
when you will find love?
and how many people will have to pass you by
leaving you there alone in the end wondering why
completely haunted by their ghost
a voice; a face of an unwanted host
forever locked in the memories of your head
forever yours in this forsaken land
eternal moral lessons and mistakes we pay
always the same thing in and out of everyday
when will the day come,
when you will find love?

© 2003 thomas bates

#11

your beauty is a front
for the poison is hidden
it is deadly and ready to scourge
to leak forth to destroy
to corrupt those who love you
your beauty is the trap
and those who are fooled
you bring them into the real truth
and ensnare them into death
the passion you create shall consume
destroy all things held dear to life
and your beauty is all they will remember
for it was the thing that brought them to you
before they can run away, you reveal the deception
and it is too late and they are burning in your death

© 2005 thomas bates

HER

she comes to me
in my dreams
hands touch my face
her eyes : the light
her smile embraces me
her gentle touch
her soft skin
fingers trace the contours of my face
my eyes close
i feel safe, calm, and at peace
her breath is a gentle breeze of the morn
her voice is a crystal shower dancing
as she whispers my name
but she is called away
she leaves me here alone
in my silent solitude

© 2001 thomas bates

#10

please let your hair down
pretty face
don't take away the beauty
shine through the skin border
break the conforming rules
of your genre
make a statement
a neo-creation
of beauty

© 2002 thomas bates

ALONE

sitting here late at night
writing by the moonlight
listening to damien on the stereo
missing the one dear to my soul
miles away from my home
i think of her cold and alone
many distractions here
wishing she was near
to keep my mind clear

© 2001, 2005 thomas bates

NOT MUCH TO ASK OF YOU

i can feel You soothing me when i ask
i can feel You guiding my feet and hands
i ask only for humbleness and wisdom
i don't deserve Your unchanging love
sometimes i feel so sad
sometimes i feel so mad
sometimes i am alright
sometimes i just plain lie
You can fill me with Your unchanging love
but humbleness and wisdom i just want

© 1997, 2005 thomas bates

#9

the pen that writes of my life
is dipped in my blood and strife
these are the dark days
the writer is paying his way
to follow me into the darkness
where my heart has been hardened
i want to break free and turn my life around
this darkness i am now accustomed to
cannot be here for me to see me through
i have to be the one who has to stand my ground
i have to be the one to make the difference in my life
and to stop dipping the pen in my blood and strife
to finally dip it into a new hope and peace
to finally have the suffocating depression cease

© 2005 thomas bates

#8

we used to be good friends
how did we come to an end?
where have you gone?
what have i done?
i am now dead to you
or is it you're dead, too
i have given up on you with my patience
because everything are now open-ended questions
never do i receive an answer when i ask
since when did our friendship become a task?
why do you avoid me and the others?
we used to be tight... like brothers
however you found someone to replace me
and into oblivion i have slipped for eternity
alone i am now... again... in the end
it's time to analyze if we were even friends

© 2005 thomas bates

ANGER

it never grows inside really slow
it cannot be pushed down low
its energy is unstoppable
it boils inside big trouble
and when it comes it is quick vengeance
it bleeds out of your mouth unrelentless
it pours through every cell in your body
setting you on fire to burn out the holy
the tongue is quick and sharp as a knife
everything in its path will lose its life
severing ties and breaking bonds
this force inside is a ticking timebomb
and after it's gone you are left spinning
and the world around you is ripping
the fires from the brimstone are scattered all around
and the cooling inside can drop you to the ground
and the simmering fires in your eyes are slowly fading to oblivion
and the recent distate for everything is called into retraction
as quick as it came and disrupted evolution
it enters back inside and leaves devastation
the hibernation stage now kicks back into gear
and those around you now know how to fear

© 2005 thomas bates

THE SCREAMING TREES

all over the park there was destruction
they were burned down by someone's neglect
they screamed for help and for justice
they used to be alive dancing in the wind
now they are frying in the flames
smoke filled the sky, the sun that day shall not shine
firemen did all they could, but it was too late
conservationlists and environmentalists cried and stood aghast
their dream land has burned to the ground
people miles around watched the evergrowing scar on tv
when will the madness stop?
with screams and dreams burning up to the sky
large, beautiful trees became pitiful charcoal beings
the mountains' evergreen was wiped away by a large eraser
leaving only behind an ugly mesh nightmare
bison, bears, elk, and deer ran as their flesh melted
all of yellowstone's beauty was marred
because of an unwatched campfire
the great remember was forgotten

© 1993, 2005 thomas bates

BLACK DAISIES

black daisies in you
happiness was yours until
they came and raped you

© 1995 thomas bates

PEACE THRU THE HARDSHIPS

you came into my life at a fast pace
at the time my mind was in a race
racing to keep things together and in control
the mental and physical torture has taken its toll
however, you were there throughout the whole time
smiling and making me laugh it off everytime
that smile attracts me and those eyes
they intimidate me deep, deep inside
you are leaving soon, but i have a peace
maybe again in the future we will meet
if not i am thankful for the time you where here
for your presence was soothing and numbed my fears
hopefully i shall see you again someday
and if not then golden i hope you stay

© 2005 thomas bates

THINGS THAT BELONG TO THE GROWING

a solstice is always there in my heart
the love of friends will never depart
when i am confused, weary and depressed
i know that i have someone i can talk with
when the answers don't come for some questions
i can wipe away the tears and be accepted again and again
i miss what was... but that is behind me now
i must take their wisdom and advice and grow
when i am confused, weary and depressed
i know that i have someone i can talk with

© 1995 thomas bates

LAMENT OF PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE

i look deep inside my hands
what i give, please do not neglect
there's my love and my secrects
the only things true in this land
in the world of many, jealous man-gods
people march and pledge allegiance to war
i run away and hide from their ominous cars
drown my scent to throw off their dogs
screams... fear... shots... pain... blood
i cry... my love has gone away
blood is on my hands and face
at last here i die in my neighborhood

© 1997, 2005 thomas bates

NEVER WANNA SAY GOODBYE

a wall has come to the end of my journey
my hand is holding some release papers
my clothes are packed in the case
a room is prepared for my arrival
however, i grow tense
i am leaving family and friends behind
a tear forms but doesn't fall
everything is becoming blurry
i see your faces smear and i don't wanna go
never wanna say goodbye

© 1994, 2005 thomas bates

CRUNCHED VELVET

powder blue blouse
earlier had some coffee
still buzzing from the caffeine
and she said it's crunched velvet
or was it french?

© 1998 thomas bates

WHERE MY LOVE DIES

distant... she is distant
ever there, but never present
she is fading
i don't want to lose her
does she know?
does she care?
am i alone?
or is she still there?
fear... stress... pain
my eyes ache from the strain
blood seeps through the orifice
my thoughts are orphans
alone inside my head
haunting me till the end of time

© 2001, 2005 thomas bates

DESIGNER IN CHAINS

i am a trapped artist
not appreciated for my art
do this and do that, do not retort
no one understands me
or even wants to let me help them out
they say all i am is a hack
they think they all can design
it is easy if you have a computer, they say
point here, click there
i give up, it is useless
i am a slave now, not a designer anymore
you have finally taken away my humanity
my reason for being, my identity
now i am nothing
i am now just your puppet

© 2004 thomas bates

#6

your world is not in flux
screaming up to your god
forcing out your questions
to which there was silence
concentration in the present how
your face lit by the fluorescent glow
of the street you mindlessly drive down
your thoughts and mind are no where around
to confront the structure of faith
is the focus shown upon your face
eventhough you did not get your answers
your faith was built a bit more stronger
and you calm down for the rest of the ride
the only space alocated for isolation in your life
to believe is to step beyond your comfort level
slowly and carefully balancing the good and evil
life is dangerous sometimes as you progress further
but what is more dangerous is not becoming somewhat a believer
believing that there is more to this complex life
a world out there unseen to the human eye
life is too precious to take it all for granted living in the now
when you take the time to figure out how to get to the unkown

© 2005 thomas bates

COLD NOVEMBER

i had to bury her twice
as a lover and a friend
for a year and a half i tried
to heal our relationship by myself
tried to believe nothing was wrong
tried to keep it together and sane at the same time
i loved her oh so much
eventhough i am engulfed in bitterness
deep inside i cry and there i died
the problem was us not just me or her
but she didn't care
it was always me in her eyes
she was always a saint
we were both the instigators
and there is nothing i could have done
i could not save her or me from destroying ourselves
and now she is gone and i am left with questions
and to pick up the pieces of my broken heart

© 2001. 2005 thomas bates

THOUGHTS TO THE DEAD

how do you really prepare to say goodbye?
everyday is another given day to die
and every night is another page in your book
how many pages do you have that are good?
how many pages embarass your name?
and how many pages go down in the hall of fame?
it is so hard to say goodbye
but never does anyone want to die
there is always this percular fear
pictures and objects are all that best explains
what that person was and now will never be the same
a long empty silence that was never there before
but we must remember that there is always something more
there is always that still soft voice
that speaks to you across the dark void

© 2002 thomas bates

IN MEMORY OF KOTTER

the fire came down and burned up this town
burned it all down to the dry barren ground
and a car rides off further into the sunset
a burning sun blazing black on the carcass
and no regrets in his eyes as he drives
away from everything that was his life

© 2002 thomas bates

NO COMMUNICATION

xelpmoc era slliks laicos
sdneirf dellac esoht htiw yllaicepse
yas uoy tahw yb truh ylisae era yeht
yaw ruoy sklaw ohw regnarts emos naht erom
meht fo esrow eht era snoinapmoc elamef
tceffe onimod eht dnuora gnirb syawla sgnileef
nwod sllaf dilos ti speek taht gnihtyreve dna
dnvorg nerab dloc eht otnu uoy dnuora lla
semit tsap morf dellips neeb sah doolb erehw
deid ro dedaf yllautneve spihsdneirf dlo erehw
derebmemer si gnihtyreve tub ti evas nac voy semitemos
redrum dna niap sretsef renroc krad eht ni kcab reverof
erom dna erom edisni sworg truh eht dna
roolf eht no tuo sllips dna llehs eht pu sllif ti litnu

© 2003 thomas bates

#7

the body snatchers took my soul
i am but an empty shell
the day walker in me has been killed

© 2003 thomas bates

ROOM

empty columns of cold chairs
sit there in their solemn stares
smell of coffee is a gurgling sound
acoustic guitar being strummed around
second hand goes past the ten minute mark
twenty minutes and it will all come to a start
cold chairs will be warmed by their familiar owners
conversations will be stronger as the smell of flowers
philosophy and theology are spoken here
ever becoming closer to the wondrous sphere

© 2001 thomas bates

BACK IN MICHIGAN

drown me, release me from my pain
take me under, take away my stain
i hear the sadness calling my name
i pushed it out before, but it still remains
silence... isolate myself
silence... isolate my hell
he was here, he is now gone
yet he is there, oh my, God
i should be happy
but can you blame me?
it happened so fast, no time for questions
it is my new pain... shock to the system
3 months added to many years of pain
we all prayed, but it all remained
numbed by my shock, numbed by my doubt
it cannot be real, let me... oh, let me out
loud... loud... loud, my diversions i pick
yet stronger... oh, drat... is the death ship
it sails closer... closer... closer
it becomes louder... louder... louder
drown me, release me from my pain
i pushed it out before, but it still remains
another name is etched in my memory
another face becomes blurry
i wanted another fate
i wanted to see thy face
but it fades to black
and it lays there flat
i stand and look and try to resist
i stand and look and hold myself within
i stand and look and try to understand
i stand and see myself turning to black
questions they come and they confront me
they become my offenders, defense is not seen
i put my hands in my pockets and become stone
pelt me down... pelt me down... pelt me down
many come today, and later they will go
whatever they wanted, i half way know
yet the questions beat me down
so i stand and look and become stone
i draw a breath and fearlessly look death in the eye
you come... you come... you come to fill my mind
questions... oh so many freakin' dreams
will they ever so leave me alone... leave
release me
oh, please
calmness came first, and then came the intense confusion
i'm surrounded by the suffocating, overpowering fusion
the waves beat, oh here comes the ship
loud... loud... loud, my diversions i pick
but the waves, oh, they... oh so ever beat
they bring the ship closer and closer to me
from the farthest fathoms it came
resist i can, but it still remains
i stand and look and try to understand
i stand and look and see thy hands
oh so clammy... oh so cold
oh so constricted... oh so old
i stand and look and try to understand
i stand and look and see thy head
oh so peaceful... yet so quietly afraid
on the closed eyes rest thy mighty name
i stand... i sit... i stand... i sit...
i watch them come... i guard myself within
they cry... they smile... they cry
i stand and look and question why
another offense to my soul
i drop oh so far down below
i want to hold thy hands and cry for comfort
i want to feel the warmth oh stolen in thy depart
i want to hear my name spoken from thy lips
but the sound is drowned under the death ship
drown me, release me from my pain
take me under, take away my stain
it happened oh so fast
and another light fades to black
the past we lay at his sides
we try to smile, yet we cry
a fight gone... a hunger dead
i stand and look and see thy head
a mighty transformation unseen
i should be very happy
but who can blame me?
can't you see what i see?
infront of me... infront of me
sunken in a box, feet hidden from me
silence... isolate myself
speeches of dedication and farewells
waiting rooms... small talk to calm our souls
oh never let me drop... oh never let it fall down
proud it brings to me the guest appearance of the flag
we shall march and march and carry it in our drag
pain still remains
curse the pain
headaches and tremors come in
i can hear the coming death ship
sit and wait for it... it shall come
and when it does, be oh so calm
march... strain... march... pray
march... strain... pray... drag
many sounds does the ship have when it hits the shore
many tears welcome the reaper when he arrives for his chore
i stand and look and understand but cry invisible tears
i stand and look and try to isolate my many fears
bleeding through the flag draped carriage
it's our remembrance, our decodance of heritage
oh so peaceful... yet so afraid
on thy closed eyes rest thy mighty name

© 1997, 2005 thomas bates
in memory of my grandfather

THE DREAM DANCER'S TRAGEDY

she always had a smile on her face
she always wore that one dancing gown
when words were spoken, she would fall into a dream
and that was when she would dance

she breathes in the magical air around her
she dreams from a word that you say

she is slumped in a chair now, her gown is ripped open
the dream's dance inside of her has taken a turn
she did not remember what she was doing before the dance
and that was when she looked at you

she breathes in the magical air around her
she dreams from a word that you say

deeper into the night, her feet dance the steps
she knew the dance well, but she fell today
she looked hard into the lake for her reflection
but all she could see was wet mud and sand
where she saw your words sinking
you can see the concentration break in her stride
suddenly she drops her head
you can hear her bones turning to dust
and the magical air steals away her dance

© 1997, 2004 thomas bates

FADING AWAY

shiny balloon in the sky
holding on by a tether
the reflections in your skin : mysterious
as if we are looking into a window
a window into another dimension
another world i wish i could disappear into
to leave this world and enter in the sphere
in that dimension everyone knows each other
but not in the way they do in this dimension
in there everyone are friends, there are no enemies
no horrible pasts to keep you separated from another
no fears that linger in this strange utopia
there is no more death or sickness
it is so peaceful and perfect
but yet it is only just a dream
and the balloon deflates slowly by years
and the dream fades along with it

© 2005 thomas bates

LEGACY OF DEATH

i am an ancient killer, my legacy is supreme and great
for years empires came before me: all excessive weight
they plead me to not slaughter and take away their fame
i've written all good and evil parts to my eternal name

all their memories will lie inside me: leaking out from the dead
and it goes on hour and hour till they are all one in my head
for many i am a monster, for many i am honor and grace
my reputation proceeds me and yet the foolish still call my name

i am an ancient killer, i ravaged and plundered many lands
i've killed for kings in europe and slaughtered those in the "stans"

after each signed treaty in blood, i sit in the shadows and wait
history loves to repeat itself for repetition is your future's fate
i am an ancient killer, i will make sure you all are broken and dead
soon you'll see the mountains fall apart, for my hunger cannot end

i am the ancient, i ravaged, plundered and conquered many lands
there are those who are for me, and those who say i am banned

© 2004, 2005 thomas bates

FACE TO FACE

a struggle inside
voices of genocide
burning away my insides
with their volumes of lies
penetrating through a crack in my fortress of stone
only by myself am i not really ever truly alone
there across from me sits this ancient evil
this evil, folklore describes as the devil
his eyes glisten with crimson blood and fire
his teeth are liken to half inch spires
his hunger is unsatiable for the precision entropy
my soul is just another of his countless trophies
but i have the power of free will
and in the end it will be his blood spilt
he is and was never a friend of mine
what's due him shall come in time

© 2004 thomas bates

THEY CALL IT HUMAN NATURE

this world is no longer amused
to awaken the hate is to light a fuse
and it shall bring forth the coming muse
fire rains down mixed with ash and blood
human flesh, glass and steel replacing wood
and their cries are lost in the flood
a war of all wars is coming nigh
as the fire drops from the sky
and the millions prepare to die
this battle has been quietly raging for far too long
but what is there to be done to undue the wrong
before the last vision of peace dies in a song
the vocal chords are slashed by the blade
malice and treachery are hidden in the glade
on both sides, blood has been paid
another person has fallen away
and what more is there to say
for the sun goes down on another day

© 2004 thomas bates

FOREVER WITH THESE GHOSTS

i see traces of my past
through those around me in the present
ghosts and memories again will manifest
the innocence i once had
i long for those days
can i go back some way?
to reverse many years of pain and stains
to once again bring a smile on my face
but by twist of fate the door has been closed
and i shall again be forever with these ghosts

© 2004 thomas bates

TO HOLD YOU IS EVERYTHING

did i hear angels sing?
wish you were here with me
come over here and hold my hand
let me know what you think of it
my love for you waits within
it burns like white lightning
far out beyond the great blue
there's a love that awaits for you
we can go there, but that is only up to you
there is a secret place where only angels tread
where our love cannot be displaced or lost
where the modern world out there tries to harm
you can come to me and find solace in my arms
did i not hear that angels dream?
i wonder if some are of you and me?
come over here and hold my hand
let me show you my heart
let us allow this love to unfold
in a world that is growing old
i want to hold you in my arms

© 1995, 2004 thomas bates

THE GAME OF LIES

where are you coming from with this?
would i also be betrayed with a kiss?
a veil you put over my face to shield my innocence
i am so confused and tired of your insidiousness
am i waking up from a deep, deep sleep?
am i seeing what, from me, you keep?
why must i assume and beat around the apparently burning bush?
i am tired of the hidden disrespect and abuse you consistently push
my patience is wearing thin and i am losing touch
soon words will be shared and i fear the outcome
the games we play can be dangerous for the innocent others
why can't we just be honest to each other and stop the slaughter?
i have washed the blood from my hands and now i am clean
when will you be honest and stop using me for your selfish greed?
i am tired of playing this game that i never knew i was a part of
i'm throwing up the white flag of surrender in order to overcome
in the end it will not be just me you hurt, but sadly yourself
i really wish you will be honest so i can save you from your hell
you are building us up for deconstruction
and our respect will be lost in oblivion
honesty is the first step to forgiveness and reconciliation
i do not want my anger to change me so heed my consideration

© 2005 thomas bates

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

my eyes burn waiting for you
looking at this screen looking for truth
messages travel abroad to never be seen again
did you get them and why the growing silence?
i just wipe a solitaire tear at the corner of my eye
what does it matter if we talk to each other tonight?
i would give you all of me if you are there
but then what is there left of me to share
the clock ticks away the hours and days that i wait
to hear anything, a response to what i had to say
but there is nothing there in the mailbox
so what should i do, wait or hang up?
on an one way street, it is easy to lead one further away
but on a two way street at least i get to see your face
yet again with faith i wait for you just one more day
but only God will decide how long on this planet i shall stay
a gamble with time and destiny we both take
one ignores, while the other instigates
but for how long shall we play this game
i only want to know how is your day

© 2004 thomas bates

YOUR EYES FOR A DAY

i want to steal your eyes for just a day
to look through the world through you
for a few seconds to be someone else
even if they are colourblind, i do not mind
anything new, than what i know, would be refreshing
to see love through another's
to cry would even be great too
like a baptism of a new birth i long for
to put my life back into focus
to long for the things i take for granted
to be introduced to things and feelings new to me
and then i can see that the world i live in isn't crazy
and that there is more out there waiting for me
to renew the passion of living inside of me

© 2004 thomas bates

BIRTH OF AN UNIVERSE

as we open the door and enter the room
we come upon a foot
tracing the foot up the leg to the knee
where we find another leg tucked under
an ankle resting there against the knee cap
and then to the back where an arm is drawn back
a hand tucked under the back
and then we go up the back bone up to the neck
he lays there with a cover over his eyes
in his ears rest headphones pumpin in aggression
his life is confusing and mysterious right now
it is hard for him to figure out who he is
at work, he is a robot
mindless working away like an addict
strung out for the next job that shall divert his mind
when he is clocked out the eraser comes
erases his mind clean of any emotion and reason
he goes home and is confused who he is
nothing seems to be real not even himself
he feels if he peels away his skin there will be infinite space
that to his surprise he shall find an enourmous void
where his voice and thoughts are just echoes heard by no one
when he writes out his frustration, he gambles
like who cares... for poetry nowdays
this world he lives in is so uncivilized
people are only looking out for themselves
many times he has felt the pain
the wounds of the many selfish enstrangements
from those looking for themselves using him in the process
but who is he? he thinks to himself
what do they see when they see him?
what was the purpose of the morbid friendship
he felt like a battery
just used to give whatever they needed for the moment
they shall use him over and over until he is drained empty
then just tossed away and they walk away
away with everything precious to him
he is then left with himself
in which he does not even recognize anymore
just an empty shell... even God feels so far away sometimes
whenever he needs God the most, He is gone
but through this hell, a glimpse of hope is there
through his rational thought will he know what his purpose in life is
yes he has been used over and over and over... and to what gain?
but he can look at this hell and step through it all the better
and then life shall once again have meaning
and new understanding shall fill the shell he now inhabits
a pulse will once again push him farther on to his new goal
to find who he is in this world and where he fits in
but along the way he will still accept the cuts and scrapes
because life is not always easy and people come and go
some people will leave you and some will die around you
but through these situations there are lessons to be learned
and God is still there through it all leaving you clues along the way
as He walks before you and watches your every step
helping you as you learn who you are and what life has to give
we shall leave this young man now
he is never alone even though the silence is suffocating at times
but it is the hope of tomorrow that lets him breathe
it is the shadow of God upon his path that insures him
the darkness that lets him know everything will be alright
and the blood spilling from his skin is real
and he is not a robot or a battery
there is more to this life that he needs to find
so he steps out on the long and hard journey

© 2004, 2005 thomas bates

STOLEN PULSE

hot and sticky
the sun baked children sway
the beats and chords of melody
the distraction of beauty
ringing an echo into your memory
give into the cascading river of notes
and everything surrounding you becomes
oblivion
slipping into the nonexistance as you shut it all out
becoming one in the communion
of the anamorphic atmosphere

© 2002 thomas bates

08/07/2004 Part 2

if life is a puzzle, the only missing piece is me
i try to slow down once in a while, but it is not me i see
i cannot find myself in the pile
i can look for miles and miles
everything is just right in sync
and me, i am the missing link
i need to start to find me in this place
and all i have to start with is my name
this sunset is beautiful and reminds me of someone
someone that i thought i could grow old with and love
but she is gone now and this life is in front of me
the beauty and mystery of what is me is what i need to see
and dissect it from the memories and lessons within
and only then shall i find the man under this skin
now i shall look to the green trees to help thy vision
as i ready myself to embark on this new mission

© 2004 thomas bates

08/07/2004 Part 1

as i sit, the coolness brushes by my ears
the singing of birds and frogs are near
the break of water from a fish
the ripples from the gentle wind
the rustling of squirrels in the trees
the chatter of insects behind me
the warmth of the sun on my face
as it slowly goes down, reflection of the lake
my legs weak from the hour long hike
resting here on this quiet dock tonight
squirrels running to find their dinner on the ground
it is peaceful and serene here and all around
i am here not to contemplate life but to rest
life it moves too fast for me now
and i am just here gathering speed for the rest
taking everything in of the sun's glow

© 2004 thomas bates

WE ALL FALL DOWN

vanity is the death of all compassion
how can you truely love someone in this life
how can you look upon one another in compassion
if you cannot get over yourself
if you cannot get beyond your own beauty and perfection

© 2004 thomas bates

FLOOR MITE

i try so hard... they push me down
down into the barren ground
i fight... i struggle... but what for?
i am and will be one with the floor
strength leaves so as my will
i buckle over and into the hole i fill

© 1996 thomas bates

NO RESPONSE

why did you have to go?
your answer i won't know
was it something i've done?
stop me before i go on

i long from anyone no pity
i'm not the one who left the city
here i cry

are you listening?
here's an offering
is it me you see,
or the lies they feed?

all the words... i have been thinking
have no response from you... leaving
here i cry... here i cry
i look to the sky
then i look at my hands
and i let you go
i have to turn away from myself
as the tears fall down
those were the girls i've known

© 1996, 2005 thomas bates

MY OWN LIFE

i keep trying to live a life that's not my own
i am a fool
i am the chameleon of civilizations
my main goal is to be like you

which one of you do i wanna be?
sometimes i despise my behavior
it's only a search to create my definition
but my definition is your tailor

why do i want to live my life like your life?
i want to stop before you are my addiction
oh please don't be disgusted and leave me in isolation
becuase all i want is to have my own life
i want to have my own life

i like your wealth and your neighborhood
but to be like you is to sell my soul
everything about you is better than my hell
but i got to bring myself under control

honesty is what you see (truth equals me)
my secrets might hurt you (please, let it not be me you refuse)
now that you know my ambitions (please do not worry)
help me lose the fate that covers me (covered me since birth)

covered me since birth

© 1996 thomas bates

IN THE STREETS OF ST. LOUIS

the sun is going down on us in the streets
coolness comes to chase away the heat
in the city of the saints
tonight is filled with paint
diverse culture, conversations and smells
smoke surrounds and makes your lungs swell
lose yourself and find solace in the night
in a mesmerizing line sits many of lights
the moon cut in half hangs in the sky
the later it gets the more it wants to lie
through the crowd you see an organized dance
of art and personal expression in a beautiful trance
escapism is spoken fluent here
put on a smile and wipe away tears
look at the many colours on the wall
and leave your emotions where they fall
lose yourself for now in the intoxicating night life
for the days of your life are short and it's time to fly

© 2002, 2005 thomas bates

BAPTIZED IN THE OLDER THINGS OF LIFE

new images become old
weird becomings untold
chatter all around
friends abound
melancholic songs ring out in the air
never meeting, never ending is unfair
will there finally be a picture of what can be?
will there ever be a future laid out for me?
i am still searching on who i am
i am getting weary and very sad
i know i am selfish sometimes
but when you're lonely too
then there would only be you
and then all new things will die

© 2002 thomas bates

DEATH & THE ETERNAL

you can feel the decay
the pain sets in to stay
tissue strips away from the fire
as it sets off inside
and the cries of agony rises higher
from the death creeping outside
crushing in your walls and your windows
and coming in and possessing your soul
suffocation pinches your throat
blackness scars over your eyes like a second skin
blocking all vision of your memories out
never to be seen again in this lifetime until heaven
by the grace of God, He heals your pain, scars and blindness
wipes away all your imperfections with His compassion
and lays you down in the security of His mighty hands
and breathes life back into you and you shall again stand

© 2003, 2005 thomas bates

MARRED BY THE CONTRAST

5355 in the 745
a voice materialized
a white drink dribbles out
shellfish they shall claim it is
a concoction of oceanic vomit
feet pace the hollow ground
walking the many, repetitive miles
anticipation erased the smiles
trying to build the strength inside
trying so hard not to run and hide
the ever looming radiation
the answer to my question
awaiting on the third last breath
underneath the ring i shall again pass
a soon as the time came closer
it was all painless and over
and i now shall leave with a sigh of relief
as i await for the interpretation of this dream

© 2004 thomas bates

RED EYES PEERING DOWN ON ME

from the ceiling you watch me
curled up in my bed
you control me, but i want nothing to do with you
in a fetal position i sleep
the hairs on my neck stand
the darkness of my closet speaks to me
your eyes... red... in my ceiling
footsteps creap past my door
i can hear you, but i know it is all
in my head
in my head, it shall stay
and only in my nightterrors do you
show yourself to me

© 2004 thomas bates

DON'T SAY IT

i don't understand, but you do not want to talk anymore
so i stand looking at the "do not disturb" sign on the door
turning around i try to hide the tears in my eyes
i walk away and try to push you out of my mind
however, to my sadness, there lies an unanswered question
because of how you feel towards me, i will never mention

© 1996 thomas bates

SLOW DOWN AND LOOK AT ME

you meander through the wet and dry air
i can still see the dew glistening in your hair
your skin is refreshed by the misty rain
you have such a beautiful and delicate face
when i say your name, you smile
however, you're still walking the miles

© 1997, 2005 thomas bates

TO THE TEACHERS

his hand is on the door handle
time to light more candles
those in the seats
he wanted to teach
the books they have to read
inside them were old seeds
his knowledge to them was like water
turning the seed into a beautiful flower
excited and wanting to learn more
they looked at what he put on the board
a fever emotion was in their hearts
all it took was one little spark

long ago as he could remember
one day in that cold september
when the seed was planted inside his heart
the candle in his eyes burned by a spark
the crave to learn, got him wanting to teach the masses
teaching them all he learned in the schoolhouse classes

© 1996 thomas bates

WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE?

what right do you have?
you are so comfortable in your filth
and when you meet someone new
you cannot get over the fact
that they do not...
look like you
act like you
sound like you
dress like you
smell like you
not everyone is blessed with everything
the one thing that you take for granted
is the one thing that they highly cherish
and that is to live another day
you live under your riches and free reign
they live under poverty and possibly tyranny
and yet they thank God everyday to be alive
and all you can do is complain how their presence sickens you
i hope you can learn to love your brother and sister
or that God shall take away what you cherish the most
and give to those whom you've have turned your back on
what right do you have?

© 2005 thomas bates

THE ONE TRUE THING

i was just looking for anything
i was just sort of hoping
hoping in vain that there was something
some glimpse of love in those eyes
looking back at me as i gazed
but i was entertaining illusions and dreams
i was just hoping and trying to stand against odds
that maybe God could find in Himself some mercy
that He could bring someone into my life
but i am just looking for anything
and not looking for that something
and in you there was nothing
i am in search again for that one thing
someday i will find it
and these illusions shall disappear from me
and that distant reality shall finally arrive
hopefully i just will not be too jaded by then
hopefully i shall bestow on her the love she deserves
hopefully i shall not make her into a myth
and lose the one true thing i am looking for in this life

i am looking for that one thing
i am just sort of hoping
hoping that i did see that something
is that a smile in those eyes,
looking back at me as i gaze?

© 2005 thomas bates

EMPTY

echo... echo... echoes
all around the faded ghosts
row after row
lonely ground below
sound has taken no existence here
if you listen very hard, you might hear
voices of the past
whispering secrets
cold is the air
moving your hair
step by step, life breaks the silence
face after face comes into existence
a bell screams and screams
people break out of hour long dreams
the voices of the past diminish
lost forever behind a new existence

© 1996, 2005 thomas bates

HARD TIMES TO AN AGING HEART

i lived a long life on the farm
my hands, they are old and scarred
my blue jeans are stained
from the dirt and the pain
the fields used to be luscious and green
now they are old, nonfertile and empty
lost my wife to a snow storm
lost my son in the great war
just like the aging of my heart
life's troubles have come and passed
but this heart is still pumping fast
i guess this is the life on the farm

© 1996 thomas bates

SATURDAY NIGHT & THE BATTERIES DIED

dimly lit room
gentle breeze from the fan
i am fixed in a stare
pieces all around me
i listen carefully with intense care
hear the gentle rain start to drop outside
i am trying to regain youth as a symbolism
to go back to where i once was
my eyes fixed on the pieces around me
snapping them together to form this missing image
everything is so clear to me now
my life so simple and pleasant
i am thinking in a sapphiric hue
my thoughts do back-track into her for a bit
i wonder how she is doing
can she still feel me,
as i can still feel her?
only emotions, words, images and sounds did we share
and this is how we felt and knew each other
but now our identities are broken as this puzzle in front of me
and silence is now only there
as we grow older without each other
were our feelings real?
or were we trying too hard
for that unreachable dream

© 2004 thomas bates

BLACK MAN ON THE METRO

i entered the car behind another
you were already sitting down
the one man sits infront
and i sat diagonally from behind
you got restless and uneasy
i did not give you my attention
you were safe in my eyes, as i looked outside
however at the next stop you got up to leave
glancing at me first before walking out the door
then you entered the other car before this one
what was wrong with the car we previously shared?
was it because the whites were surrounding you?
i was not asked if i wanted to be born into this skin
just as much as you were not asked to be born into yours
it was fate that did it, so why is there so much hate?
just because of my skin, do i inherit my race's mistakes
no... because you do not know me and you are quick...
quick to judge and who knows what else could have happened
i hope you shall be shown mercy and grace by someone
in that it will erase the many years of mistrust and hate
it is a shame the others after us...
have to pay for our past's mistakes

© 2005 thomas bates

A WALK IN THE SKY

i walk in the sky
if i fall, i shall die
i see the sun better as i go higher
my life gets lighter
i can touch the clouds
and shake their tears to the ground
i can see the moon coming up
as it chases the sun
i can see you under me
you raise your head and it's me you see
i walk in the sky
why don't you join me next time?

© 1993 thomas bates

BLACK

to the cemetery, he went
the lovely rose he passionately bent
the dirt of the fresh grave he touched
an engraving of the stone he took
tears of grief he cried
mourning for the one he loved who died

© 1994 thomas bates

INVENTORY TIME

the soft tapped rhythm soothes me
the rain drops on the window and roof
i lay here peacefully looking up at the ceiling
the room as black as an abandoned fire
as black as the ashes left behind
from all the bridges i had to burn in my life
i lay here thinking of everything from the week
i sift through them with a careful divider
as i put the evil into its place
and leave the good where it stands
i then contemplate over the lessons i have been taught
and i think of which out of those have i sincerely learned
then i think of those that i love who are dear to me
and then i try not to think of those i hate
when this is all done i try to relax my bones and skin
and fall asleep to the tap... tap... tap...
of the gentle rain outside bringing on a new day
like a baptism flood of renewal

© 2004 thomas bates

0000 0I00

i am ready
ready for the invading past
invading
invading into my small head
hitting me like a truck
falling on top of me from the sky
leaving me with nothing to say
except that i want to be alive
i am ready
ready for her love
0000 0I00
i am the fool in my life
faults... they surround me
i keep falling down
on my hands and knees
0000 0I00
i am ready
ready to open up
opening
opening up my veins to bleed
to bring down the shuttle
i am so ready to just feel
but i do not want to go
i see her as i kneel
hitting
hitting the ground as i fall down
0000 0I00
i'm just down here from your love
under the clouds of the cold beyond
taking me there
breathing life
i can see that you did love me
but i'm losing my eyes... goodbye
0000 0I00
time is my pain
reclaims me in the past
i didn't leave you
i just didn't get past my mistakes

© 2001 thomas bates

THE FIRES OF THE SC0RNED

ghosts of my past
in my head possess
they are always around
forever i am strung out
scarred by my many mistakes
in their eyes, i can see my fate
never to find rest and to be free
their judging eyes always upon me
never ceasing and never forgiving
forever in their flames i shall be

© 2005 thomas bates

THE GENTLE BREEZE OF A FAN

sometimes i want to be left alone
so i may relax my weary soul
to slowly gather my thoughts
to organize my fast paced life
to make sense of what is happening around me
but yet there are days when it is too silent and slow
in those hours i long for companionship
someone to talk to and to rely on
but then silence is an underrated treasure
i long for these days of peace
to just catch up my breath
and to listen for that quiet voice we call God

yes He does still talk to us
is that do we slow down and listen?

© 2004 thomas bates

YOUR PROMISES GONE ASTRAY

you make my stomach bleed
you are my constant ulcer
i dislike you more and more
you no longer are welcomed here
take away your lips from my ear
stop soliciting your garbage inside of me
i am tired of your lies... sweet as sugar
you are draining everything out of me
i am spilling onto the floor
into a pool of my own blood
corrupted by your promises gone astray

© 2004 thomas bates

THE THUNDERING RAIN

bring on the silence and the pain
bring on the ever thundering rain
let it cover me and drench me
i need this time for reflection and peace
to think and evaluate over what has gone wrong
but all is silent and the mystery is gone
everything was simplistic but now it is complex
everything was all so sweet but it all went to heck
misunderstanding and paranoia slip into my bed
and they sleep with me and take residence in my head
leaving no room for concentration for comprehension
now it is all mixed up into noise pollution
so bring on the silence and the pain
and let it cover me... the thundering rain

© 2003 thomas bates

#5

you think i have become accustomed
that the darkness is soaking into me
you think i have welcome your corruptness
sitting on your throne, your eyes upon me
the cells of your skin are turning to dust
i am your only chance for immortality
many faces you have had in the past
and now you want mine
to shed your dying cocoon to slip into mine
but i have awaken deep inside of me
i keep this awareness away from you
my plan is to wait till you're in your weakest form
and then i shall trap you in your frailty
and finally kill you as many before me failed to do
and put to the end of your reign of terror
and your empire shall crumble as like your former shell
i shall slip this knife swiveling into your back
and enjoy watching the lights slowly fade from your eyes
and that last glance to me as you realize your demise
then i shall suck your last breath away
and blow it back at you only to spread your dust in the wind
and never again will i hear your voice inside of me
and your memory shall finally fade away

© 2004 thomas bates

THE FIRE IN THE SKY

amidst the clouds descending
the fire in the sky
mystery engulfs thee
suspension high
fear and awe commanded
its beauty is expanded
pulsating paragon
burning horizon
watching us from afar
returning to the mother star

© 2005 thomas bates

WHO ARE YOU NOW?

my tongue is unrelentless
for it will not stop bleeding
the words come out and spill to the floor
you have beaten them out of me
spit and venom is on my cheek
from the words that you now speak
a friend was what you were to me
but who are you now?

© 2003 thomas bates

TRAGIC POET

the kid lies on the bed writing
he is writing of love and sadness
and behind him, coming out of the wall
a looming doom in shape of a spectral
a sickle in one hand and parchment in the other
traces a finger down his spine
sends shivers everywhere followed by numbness
and then his heart... oh the piercing pain
he collapses, his pen bleeds into the cotton
his breath stolen and he becomes one with the forgotten

© 2001 thomas bates

LOOKING INTO THE VOID

i miss
the kiss
the welcoming
the awakening
of feelings
so deceiving
so confusing
so amusing
yet so tender
and so slender
the feelings within your heart
won't ever disappear or depart

© 2001 thomas bates

PILGRIMAGE TO THE DEAD

i set foot to figure out why
no one is here, no one is left
i start my pilgrimage to the dead
i look to the answer that hides
an awesome race used to live here
however, a sad and cruel ending came
they all lost and died to this game
they didn't even get any time to express fear
i journey in silence in order not to waken
the souls sleep in unwanted peace and tranquility
but we still must have respect for this extinct community
oh, has this place been utterly shakened

© 1995 thomas bates

SOLUM'S GRIEF

for many days, i prayed for peace, but it never came
with all the faith i have, there's just never ending pain
defenses have gone down for many people to tread
inside my soul are buried memories gone dead
fires came and went
body has become bent
cracks on my skin
resulting from world's sin
blood leaks into my soul from war
on my body lays the results of its gore
i was once young and beautiful
now i'm old, ugly and sadly crippled
for many days, i prayed for peace, but it never came
with all my faith i have, there's just never ending pain

© 1996 thomas bates

KILL THE IDENTITY OF ME

shove the spike deeper inside of me
kill the identity of me
take away my wants and my needs
kill the identity of me

break the ties that bind me
kill the identity of me
take away everything of me You see
kill the identity of me

take heed to my lashing out at You
kill the identity of me
forgive me as i do not know what i do
kill the identity of me

open up me and break me apart
kill the identity of me
break back my ribs and sieze my heart
kill the indentity of me

burn me clean of all imperfections
kill the indentity of me
and bring into me a new creation
kill the indentity of me

i plead for a new beginning to arise
kill the indentity of me
i long to see Your face and to cry
kill the indentity of me

hold me in Your arms and reassure me
kill the indentity of me
that i am still in Your will and finally free
of the indentity of me

© 2004 thomas bates

HALO

the holier you are
the more bald you get
your hair falls out
due to the fervor of your service
due to the prayers that bleed out
out of your heart and onto the ground

© 2004 thomas bates

THE ARMY OF THE FORTH COMING DARKNESS

assembly line humans shut down
to replace the generations of the future
we should not allow
mindless soldiers to kill us (who live)
to conquer and divide colonies
to put fear into our hearts
we shall be exterminated
we shall be their slaves
our flesh will be their food
our procreation not to keep or sustain life
it is now to give up as a sacrifice
like cattle we have become
the creation becomes the master

© 2004 thomas bates

ORGAN DONORS FOR THE POWERFUL

locked up in dark secret rooms
lies our deepest fear
humans created organically
created for specific uses
they are fed and raised like everyone else
but one day as they reach maturity
they are deemed expendable
as someone needs a body organ
they execute one of these organic beings
slice and dice them and deliver the new organ
organic beings created souly for organ transplant
strict healthy diets that soon lead to death
lavish the good life only to have their rights denied
life in any form or fashion is precious
murder is still murder even if it is in secret
and again someone dies to preserve life

© 2004 thomas bates

RESCUE ME FROM THE STORM

in my times of darkness
in my time of dire need
i cry out from the depths
the waves crash over me
i am drowning
losing strength
my arms flail about in haste
is my fight to survive in vain?
no i know You still love me
besides my human failures and fear
grab my outstretched hand
lift me out of this whirlpool
that is dragging me down
to my impending doom
at first the water was gentle and enticing
so i entered thinking i will be safe
the farther i went out, the safer i felt
but as the tide changed and the wind picked up
i began to fear and doubt my safety
until the storm rose up before me
and fear engulfed me as the waves
and now i know that i cannot save myself
and so i cry out for help oh, God
lower Your mighty hand to rescue me
from the storm that now beats on me

© 2004 thomas bates

DORMANT DREAMS

where is my muse?
where is my fuse?
burn me and consume me
drown me in the sea
make me a new creation
tried and true with ambition
put a fire inside of me
renew my passion for everything
i want to be resurrected
brought back to life refreshed
bring me back from the dead
revive the dreams in my head

© 2004 thomas bate

#4

are we alone in this vast universe?
are there traces of other existence?
i have seen unexplained phenonemon
i have felt presences that are unclear
i am unsure about what is out there
i laugh at the whackos and skeptics on the radio
but all inside of us lie these dark unanswered questions
don't deny it, you know you have them too
in all of us there are connections to our unique experiences
in one or another way, we all will come to face with our fears
we cannot fight it or deny it
we just have to be ready and open to some suggestions
but in our given time we should think it out rationally
only by then can we deal with these issues that we confront
and only by this fashion can we somehow survive

© 2004 thomas bates

LEAD, LETTERS, AND WORDS

sketches are expression
there is my emotion
i don't write for entertainment
i write for my inner releasement
scratches from a pencil lead
words spill from a hole in my head
pride is not to be found, but humbleness
they read and understand beyond the mess
it might be in a mixed heap
but deep within the lines is... me

© 1996 thomas bates

STITCHES

i'm going to the clinic, gonna get me alot of stitches
i'm going to the clinic, gonna get me alot of stitches

at the printshop, i have a blast
i've been gouged, i've been stabbed
all my blood is on the ground
if i had my little way
from paper, i'll stay away
but you stick me there, and here i complain

at the machine, he puts paper in my fists
hey, how did this paper cut get on my wrist?
why am i starting to see my whole life and heaven?
the cut went deep right down inside
there's enough room for a book to hide
you pour the salt, i bite my lip and cry

millions of stitches, stitches for free
wash my wounds, disinfect me
millions of stitches, stitches for me
that short man with the glasses, he looks mean
look out

© 1996 thomas bates

THE FALL OF THE MIGHTY

flaunt your riches of the shallow
show upon yourself your pride
but beware of that someone
who shall come and take your life
your riches are temporal
your pride is also brittle
watch your step in the shallow end
someday your feet shall break
the mass of life shall swallow you up
your pious statue standing high above the heavens
it shall crumble to dust as the hand comes down
crushing all your goals and treasures on earth
that you flaunt to the whole world
and finally then shall you feel the brokeness
the brokeness that all of the lower class feels
then and only then, human you shall become

© 2003, 2005 thomas bates

PROVIDENCE

if it is one problem, it is another
get one fix and another rises in its place
the never ending struggle
it tries your patience
wears on you like a nagging truth
ever there and ever present
let these trials fall off of me
give my soul some rest and peace
as i close my eyes i pray
that when i open them again
that all my troubles will be gone
so i must look at these as lessons
that will shape me and mold me
and break me and rearrange me
into something right now i cannot yet see
but in due time, i shall come out a better person
older and wiser in my forthcoming years
which has come by much turmoil and tears

© 2004 thomas bates

PONDERING OVER FOUND LOST

the one eared beasts asks for help in a forbidden zone
curiosity asleep
priority one has been called up
interest found
lost past enters memory banks again
main computer finally brought back to life by programmer
old files of hurt and pain have been opened
programmer punches in code for assistance
assistance to fix old file up
main computer searches...

fails

© 1992 thomas bates

TO MY ANGEL TURNED GHOST

what have i done to thee?
is not all this one big misunderstanding?
no... somewhere i have hurt you
but you never spoke to me to tell me what i did
so i will never know where we went wrong
and forever in silence we shall be
never again will we be in peace with each other
i saw that look in your eyes this morn
or was that a ghost taking form in another
i do not know what i saw, but your wrath still haunts me
sometimes i wish i can go back in time to change it all
to be with you through your decisions
but i did not want to be another burden
so i gave you space
it is i just gave you too much space
now you are gone and in the care of another
another who needs you more than i do
and now i shall say my goodbyes
never again feel angry at me... go away in peace
but you shall hold onto this silent senseless grudge forever
and when you see me next you shall kill me with your eyes
burn and consume my soul with the wrath that sleeps in you
and over and over the sick cycle shall commence
without any explanation
and i shall live and die over and over in your sight
and this ceaseless crucible put on me
will become your own inside joke
all i ask of you now is for you to forgive me
but how can i when all you are now to me is a ghost
who will haunt me forever and ever with deaf ears
and i am tired of saying i am sorry to the empty air
so i leave your presence in shame
forever in debt to your unforgivable ways

© 2004 thomas bates

RUMOR PAINTED BOMBS

why stay here with me in this land?
a big freak is what you think i am
i can tell you once, but i won't say it again
i did nothing wrong nor was it my intent

don't turn around
don't talk about
close your eyes when i fall down
don't point me out
don't keep your voice low
close your eyes when i go

please listen to my friends who know me now
or you will never ever really see
don't make up your mind and tear me down
what was it that i did to thee?

this is the bomb that you gave to me
these are the words of tragedy
you are the cloud that covers me
outside your realm, i long to be

© 1997 thomas bates

ENSLAVEMENT & THE LUST OF FREEDOM

you breathe fire unto me, you melt my inner being
you hold your hand on my mouth and suffocate me
i struggle, i fight
i protest, i bite

release me from your cage
unleash me from your rage
choke away all the hate
wipe away the fear on my face

innocent and sweet, you come to me
guard down, and you make me bleed
pain is your tool, your pen
you write with it on my head

lost in the enigma of your nightmare and dreams
you made me lose all feeling and fall to sleep
i sweat and want out
in you there is doubt

can i run away, can i hide away
i trip as i run, and you grab my legs
the shackles are put on me now
face of defeat, as you take my crown

© 1997 thomas bates

SLOWING EMBER'S FIRE

we are slowly fading
embers of a fire

we are breaking
losing desire

fading slowly like melting snow
colour to nothingness

6ft they lay our bodies down
gateway to the heavens

© 1997 thomas bates

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS PART 9

i'm a gaping hole spilling out emotion
sometimes words are my only motion
to see is to live
to speak is to give
to listen is to receive
to understand is to see
sometimes i padlock my emotions away
to understand me is only by mistake
i want to love
but there is no one
inside i hide
outside she walks by

© 1997 thomas bates

INVENTORY OF OUR FEELINGS

we pack our feelings away for storage
put on the label: fragile... handle with care
put them into a dark corner for to be forgotten
dress into our formal wear and morn as if someone died
but when someone comes by, we wipe away our tears
take off our formal wear and put on some pastels
choke it up and smile and say our "how do you do's"
and walk away with them laughing
don't we ever dare show them the unseen tragedy
again our confidence is to be based on new feelings
that will eventually have to be packed away
just like the many other boxes in our past

© 2002 thomas bates

THE FALLOUT

silence is all around
winds rush us by
in the distance a red orange haze
and a cloud rises from the debris
a cloud of death and disease
a cloud to take everything away
a cloud to cover what is left
a sign of power and of punishment
to those who have risen up against the machine
who have spoken up their protest
and the machine speaks death into existence
reverberating through the shells of the habitants
leaving behind the dust-scratched wind of silence

© 2002 thomas bates

AGAIN

have i denied You?
have i turned You away in shame?
no, but i have hurt You
in anyway possible by unknowing
i do not see the blood on my hands
from pounding the nail in Your hands
over and over again
and while i am doing it, do i acknowledge it?
no... after i am finished the veil is pulled away
and You in Your bloody mess is laid out before me
and again in my blindness i have slaughtered You
i am trapped in my hell
and You stay there on the floor in a bloody heap
with that look on Your face and You still love me
and as i ask for forgiveness and pull You up
the very next day i come back to pound You back down
and yet You forgive me again and again
and again

© 2004 thomas bates

THE BETRAYAL OF MAN

my gloomy cloud, she is gonna cry
she moves over the land in search of love
but no one will ever dare to look up
in fear that lightning will fall from the sky
she loves this one little boy with long hair
but is mistakened by her infatuation
and he waits till she is in isolation
then he will jump into his plane and rape her
storm crash what remains
breaking her in and tearing her apart
breaking more things inside than her heart
and now she bleeds out this hurtful, agonized rain
giving up on human kind, the gloomy cloud rolls on
even though there is this other human out there
but the cloud avoids him as he looks up to her
she just rolls on by out of his life bringing the sun

© 2001 thomas bates

TO UNDERSTAND YOU

if only i could see what you see
if only i could hear what you hear
it would answer the questions inside of me
or it would unlock the door to my deepest fears
to see or hear things i never wanted to
but you are an enigma, a puzzle to my soul
if only i could see inside the real you
through the shell of your humanity: the rabbit hole
the oriface to your hell hidden deep inside
to find the answers that i seek
to bring forth in the darkness... a light
to open a dimension of the unseen
to fully understand your pain
to see the limits of your comprehension
than i can look differently upon your face
and finally bring forth compassion

© 2004, 2005 thomas bates

THE STRUGGLE OF HUMANITY

in the end, we're all alone
like hurled bloody little stones
left to fill the ground
the valley we shall abound
names of people forgotten
converge into one black mass
lines and curves of every jot and tittle
become a poet's endless and ceaseless spittle
what are we and who are You?
to believe is to be branded a fool
but who cares of those things
You are the reason of our being
but dissection and arguing is what we've become
never more to be called the children of God
but instead we shove each other with our words
never for a moment to listen to those we hurt
lines and spaces become invisible
as our words become scribbles
listen but never ask
why trouble with tasks
our words are nothing but painful tacks
stamping holes into our brains with every verbal attack
poet's oasis is the silence of the sage
then hand out to the world an empty page
fill it, sieze the day
don't crumple it up and play
we are the food that feeds the mind
but what are we if we do not write
our muscles grow numb with pain
our subconscience grows insane
we stare into nothing... awaiting
awaiting for the final awakening

© 2000 thomas bates

TARNISHED FRAILTY

we are humans and we are fragile
we are put on pedestals
people expect so much from us
but we will eventually fall
and oh how hard it will be
breaking our necks and our egos in the process
where your pride lies... so does your death
it will fester in its hibernation
and unleash its peril on you
when you least not expect it
just remember we are not all perfect
and to take the beating is a reminder
for in order for us to know that we exist
is that we need our frailty tarnished

© 2004 thomas bates

THE DESOLATE FAIR

red colour covered by white paste
choking dust fills the present air
structures turn to environmental waste
welcome to "the desolate fair"
a titan wakens from his daydream
a headache, a gaping wound in his heart
but he moves on with renewed steam
never again from his origin depart
wipe away the chalk from the boards
clean the stains from the dirt
intoxicated by the cries of the horde
his dying children who are hurt
he holds them and washes away their tears
thumbs wipe away the kabuki masks
he gives them hope and takes back their fears
gives them distractions and endless tasks

© 2001 thomas bates

IN THE HANDS OF AN ANGEL

drifting in and out of the haze
here i lay and here i will stay
in the hands of an angel, i sleep
fearing nobody or nothing can destroy me
i look into her eyes and feel safe
for in her hands, i will stay
outside elemental changes are forming fast
but nothing or nobody will take me from her hands

© 1994 thomas bates

FRAGILE EXPECTATIONS

leather cells wrapped around
rooted to the ground
alive stench in open orifices
artistry decays by nostrum
shy sibilation of utterance
utterance of a wishful existence
reaching for the red emotion
waterfall from the two stations
cleansing the fleeting nostalgic ghost
welcoming the warmth of the horizon host
rising out of the deep
emerging from the sleep
standing on frailty
reaching for feminine artistry
tight joints straining with fibrous material
looking onto the yellow to red emotional
aroma of auburn herbal main
ah-more, ah-more, shall it remain
searching for the red emotion
partake in the communion

© 2001 thomas bates

SHE'S LEAVING

everything is moving in a blur
my thoughts, they are with her
i ponder the conversations of night
i look to see where i am in her eyes
she hides them... looks away
important matters invade
i'm lost in a trance
there's no advance
everything does not feel real
sometimes i wish i can't feel
she stands there and cries
i cry also deep, far inside
what do i have to do to get her to like me
to like me more than a friend that she sees
i want to move away to ease my heart
to forget about her before i fall apart
talking in the third person hurts me
it brings up shattered hopes and dreams
and the word "dorenly"... it hurts me so slowly
i can never match up to its power... and she's leaving

© 2001 thomas bates

STAND BEFORE THE WORLD

i could have everything i want
but i could never be happy
i am a loser in some eyes
those are the most critical
i can try to achieve so much
but they have their curves i can't match
they judge everything about me
i am naked beneath the glaring eyes of the latched
i am digging my fingers into my forehead
trying to hide my face from the acquisitions
there is no chance for escape
i cannot get away from their endless questions
is this the new holocaust?
to kill off the dreamers before they can even sleep
you just inject your needles
and push in your fear and rules in every hole in me
i spew your convictions, i am so overwhelmed
filled to the brim of your hatred and paranoia
i must get away before my spirit dies
before you crush me with your insomnia
this is not what my thoughts of love were
your kind of love is cold and overpowering

i feel this new strange rain falling on me
it is the tears of my God
showering His love for me
He is forgiving as if you ever could not be
He does not match my achievements to His expectations
He just sits there and smiles and says...

I love you

© 2001 thomas bates

TO PASS INTO BLISS

the velvet touch of your lips
sweet honey slowly drips
to nibble is to please
to brush them is to tease
steal your breath away
as i steal away the day
the stars bring the light of the moment
of the love and the passion in our enjoyment
to give you this one kiss
is to pass over deeply into bliss
your sweet perfume puts me in a trance
and we now partake in the dance

© 2004 thomas bates

SUNSETS AT THE DOCK

i remember the quiet times of reflection at sunset
we sat on the dock, your head laid on my lap
my fingers ran through your hair
in your eyes i would look inside to your soul
but those same eyes had shed tears in the end
sometimes i watch the sunsets like i have in the past
sometimes i turn away as memories rush back
there was a time you were innocent and sweet
but then something happened that changed you
and those quiet times of reflection became sparse and rare
a novelty item that i longed for so many times before
and those sunsets fade off into the horizon forever

© 2003, 2005 thomas bates

ASSEMBLY LINE WRECKAGE

everyday is organized
organized crime
wake... eat... work... eat... sleep
day in... day out... the same
a second... a minute... a hour... a day... a week
do we ever stop in this game
boring, drudge work
and what for
to keep busy... to keep from revolting
to keep quiet... to keep going
the drones go to the queen

© 2003 thomas bates

TAPESTRY

the end is drawn nigh
and it has become night
familiar faces etched in your brain
but yet there are no room for names
these images still stay with me
some i do not want to see
but it is a part of some twisted masterpiece
woven in time to create my tapestry

© 2003 thomas bates

# 3

oh, beautiful dreamer
oh, wonderful sleeper
awake from the sleep
arise from the deep
resurface into this world tonight
breathe inside the divine light
burn away the darkness forever
being covered in its embers

© 2003 thomas bates

FAREWELL MY FRIEND

we used to walk together
but now we have turned and gone our separate ways
down unbeaten paths out into the vast horizon
and we keep increasing between us more distance
once i could still see you back there behind me following
there was even a time when i was following you
but we have grown older and our hearts hardened
the tears have dried up and evaporated
and now we go quietly in other directions
new names now written on our hearts and new committments
new feet share this unbeaten path with us now

© 2003 thomas bates

# 2

rolling over the small stones
crackling echoes in my ears
searching for my lost soul
been doing this for years
will there be acceptance in the distance?
looking to the skies for the answers
opening up my eyes and ears... i listen
what is ahead and what is there?
unlock the riddles before me
help me to see the signs
break the chain that binds thee
and break loose on me the light

© 2000 thomas bates

THE BLACK ICE

up and down to the crackling rhythm
must push forward into the unknown
pilgrims on a long search within
eyes fixed on the goal ahead of the down
words of wisdom, love, and life soothe the heart
shades of gray surround
traces of those gone astray... their screams still heard
becoming once again with the around
we must keep on this stretch of black ice
concentrate on the lines that set our way
never to go beyond the many outlines
never again to fall away

© 2003 thomas bates

ANTICIPATION

now she knows... i think
given time will my heart sink?
only time will tell now
whether she stays or goes
she holds my heart in her hands
i hope she is gentle and understands
she means alot to me
with her i long to be
but only can she unlock the door
and let me into her longing heart

© 2000 thomas bates

COLD NOVEMBER

i had to bury her twice
as a lover and as a friend
for one year and a half i tried
to heal our relationship by myself
tried to believe nothing is wrong
tried to keep it together and sane at the same time
i loved her oh so much
even though i am bitter at times... deep inside i cry
deep inside there is a part of me that dies
that wants our good times to stay immortal
not to fade away by time
the problem was us not just me or her
but she didn't care... it was always me
she was always a saint in her own eyes
we were both the instigators and nothing could i do
i could not save her or me from destroying ourselves
and now she's gone and i'm left with regrets
and to pick up the pieces of my broken heart

© 2000 thomas bates

WHEN IT RAINS, IT'S COLD IN ENGLAND

the rain is pouring outside my window
i feel so sad since she had to go
i loved her oh so much
but then was it real love?

last night, the phone rang
in my ears it used to sang
but that night it screamed
it was her leaving me

when it rains
i feel the pain
the cold numbs my hands
when it rains, it's cold in england
when it rains
i'll never feel the same
i remember the time i saw her last
when it rains, it's cold in england

i do not understand why she left
she left me for some other lad
left me out in the cold
out here i grow alone

when will it stop raining?
when will i stop complaining?
left the auld lang syne behind
left her into the night

© 1997 thomas bates

EYE OF THE STORM

packing up an old life for a new one hurts
but it is a healing pain by time
every change brings around heartache
a goodbye to a thing that was
and a hello to a new horizon and future
yeah it will be tough right now
but if you keep on then it will get better
a better and stronger person you shall become
a storm brings on a new life through time

© 2003 thomas bates

# 1

another electronic blunder
rips innocence a sunder
malice and hurt corrupt
blood overruns our cup
bitter it tastes on our lips
and evil slander blindly slips
and someone not knowingly dies
underneath the weight of someone's lies
do we ever go to the source of the problem?
no... we spread our propaganda amongst their kingdom
creating the wake of an evil militant coup of hate
and stop at nothing till the source of their pain dissipates
but sadly it is all lies in the end
and the one who started it was your brother and friend
but a seed was planted in the past
and through time it hurts others in its path

© 2003 thomas bates