NO RESPONSE

why did you have to go?
your answer i won't know
was it something i've done?
stop me before i go on

i long from anyone no pity
i'm not the one who left the city
here i cry

are you listening?
here's an offering
is it me you see,
or the lies they feed?

all the words... i have been thinking
have no response from you... leaving
here i cry... here i cry
i look to the sky
then i look at my hands
and i let you go
i have to turn away from myself
as the tears fall down
those were the girls i've known

© 1996, 2005 thomas bates

MY OWN LIFE

i keep trying to live a life that's not my own
i am a fool
i am the chameleon of civilizations
my main goal is to be like you

which one of you do i wanna be?
sometimes i despise my behavior
it's only a search to create my definition
but my definition is your tailor

why do i want to live my life like your life?
i want to stop before you are my addiction
oh please don't be disgusted and leave me in isolation
becuase all i want is to have my own life
i want to have my own life

i like your wealth and your neighborhood
but to be like you is to sell my soul
everything about you is better than my hell
but i got to bring myself under control

honesty is what you see (truth equals me)
my secrets might hurt you (please, let it not be me you refuse)
now that you know my ambitions (please do not worry)
help me lose the fate that covers me (covered me since birth)

covered me since birth

© 1996 thomas bates

IN THE STREETS OF ST. LOUIS

the sun is going down on us in the streets
coolness comes to chase away the heat
in the city of the saints
tonight is filled with paint
diverse culture, conversations and smells
smoke surrounds and makes your lungs swell
lose yourself and find solace in the night
in a mesmerizing line sits many of lights
the moon cut in half hangs in the sky
the later it gets the more it wants to lie
through the crowd you see an organized dance
of art and personal expression in a beautiful trance
escapism is spoken fluent here
put on a smile and wipe away tears
look at the many colours on the wall
and leave your emotions where they fall
lose yourself for now in the intoxicating night life
for the days of your life are short and it's time to fly

© 2002, 2005 thomas bates

BAPTIZED IN THE OLDER THINGS OF LIFE

new images become old
weird becomings untold
chatter all around
friends abound
melancholic songs ring out in the air
never meeting, never ending is unfair
will there finally be a picture of what can be?
will there ever be a future laid out for me?
i am still searching on who i am
i am getting weary and very sad
i know i am selfish sometimes
but when you're lonely too
then there would only be you
and then all new things will die

© 2002 thomas bates

DEATH & THE ETERNAL

you can feel the decay
the pain sets in to stay
tissue strips away from the fire
as it sets off inside
and the cries of agony rises higher
from the death creeping outside
crushing in your walls and your windows
and coming in and possessing your soul
suffocation pinches your throat
blackness scars over your eyes like a second skin
blocking all vision of your memories out
never to be seen again in this lifetime until heaven
by the grace of God, He heals your pain, scars and blindness
wipes away all your imperfections with His compassion
and lays you down in the security of His mighty hands
and breathes life back into you and you shall again stand

© 2003, 2005 thomas bates

MARRED BY THE CONTRAST

5355 in the 745
a voice materialized
a white drink dribbles out
shellfish they shall claim it is
a concoction of oceanic vomit
feet pace the hollow ground
walking the many, repetitive miles
anticipation erased the smiles
trying to build the strength inside
trying so hard not to run and hide
the ever looming radiation
the answer to my question
awaiting on the third last breath
underneath the ring i shall again pass
a soon as the time came closer
it was all painless and over
and i now shall leave with a sigh of relief
as i await for the interpretation of this dream

© 2004 thomas bates

RED EYES PEERING DOWN ON ME

from the ceiling you watch me
curled up in my bed
you control me, but i want nothing to do with you
in a fetal position i sleep
the hairs on my neck stand
the darkness of my closet speaks to me
your eyes... red... in my ceiling
footsteps creap past my door
i can hear you, but i know it is all
in my head
in my head, it shall stay
and only in my nightterrors do you
show yourself to me

© 2004 thomas bates

DON'T SAY IT

i don't understand, but you do not want to talk anymore
so i stand looking at the "do not disturb" sign on the door
turning around i try to hide the tears in my eyes
i walk away and try to push you out of my mind
however, to my sadness, there lies an unanswered question
because of how you feel towards me, i will never mention

© 1996 thomas bates

SLOW DOWN AND LOOK AT ME

you meander through the wet and dry air
i can still see the dew glistening in your hair
your skin is refreshed by the misty rain
you have such a beautiful and delicate face
when i say your name, you smile
however, you're still walking the miles

© 1997, 2005 thomas bates

TO THE TEACHERS

his hand is on the door handle
time to light more candles
those in the seats
he wanted to teach
the books they have to read
inside them were old seeds
his knowledge to them was like water
turning the seed into a beautiful flower
excited and wanting to learn more
they looked at what he put on the board
a fever emotion was in their hearts
all it took was one little spark

long ago as he could remember
one day in that cold september
when the seed was planted inside his heart
the candle in his eyes burned by a spark
the crave to learn, got him wanting to teach the masses
teaching them all he learned in the schoolhouse classes

© 1996 thomas bates

WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE?

what right do you have?
you are so comfortable in your filth
and when you meet someone new
you cannot get over the fact
that they do not...
look like you
act like you
sound like you
dress like you
smell like you
not everyone is blessed with everything
the one thing that you take for granted
is the one thing that they highly cherish
and that is to live another day
you live under your riches and free reign
they live under poverty and possibly tyranny
and yet they thank God everyday to be alive
and all you can do is complain how their presence sickens you
i hope you can learn to love your brother and sister
or that God shall take away what you cherish the most
and give to those whom you've have turned your back on
what right do you have?

© 2005 thomas bates

THE ONE TRUE THING

i was just looking for anything
i was just sort of hoping
hoping in vain that there was something
some glimpse of love in those eyes
looking back at me as i gazed
but i was entertaining illusions and dreams
i was just hoping and trying to stand against odds
that maybe God could find in Himself some mercy
that He could bring someone into my life
but i am just looking for anything
and not looking for that something
and in you there was nothing
i am in search again for that one thing
someday i will find it
and these illusions shall disappear from me
and that distant reality shall finally arrive
hopefully i just will not be too jaded by then
hopefully i shall bestow on her the love she deserves
hopefully i shall not make her into a myth
and lose the one true thing i am looking for in this life

i am looking for that one thing
i am just sort of hoping
hoping that i did see that something
is that a smile in those eyes,
looking back at me as i gaze?

© 2005 thomas bates

EMPTY

echo... echo... echoes
all around the faded ghosts
row after row
lonely ground below
sound has taken no existence here
if you listen very hard, you might hear
voices of the past
whispering secrets
cold is the air
moving your hair
step by step, life breaks the silence
face after face comes into existence
a bell screams and screams
people break out of hour long dreams
the voices of the past diminish
lost forever behind a new existence

© 1996, 2005 thomas bates

HARD TIMES TO AN AGING HEART

i lived a long life on the farm
my hands, they are old and scarred
my blue jeans are stained
from the dirt and the pain
the fields used to be luscious and green
now they are old, nonfertile and empty
lost my wife to a snow storm
lost my son in the great war
just like the aging of my heart
life's troubles have come and passed
but this heart is still pumping fast
i guess this is the life on the farm

© 1996 thomas bates

SATURDAY NIGHT & THE BATTERIES DIED

dimly lit room
gentle breeze from the fan
i am fixed in a stare
pieces all around me
i listen carefully with intense care
hear the gentle rain start to drop outside
i am trying to regain youth as a symbolism
to go back to where i once was
my eyes fixed on the pieces around me
snapping them together to form this missing image
everything is so clear to me now
my life so simple and pleasant
i am thinking in a sapphiric hue
my thoughts do back-track into her for a bit
i wonder how she is doing
can she still feel me,
as i can still feel her?
only emotions, words, images and sounds did we share
and this is how we felt and knew each other
but now our identities are broken as this puzzle in front of me
and silence is now only there
as we grow older without each other
were our feelings real?
or were we trying too hard
for that unreachable dream

© 2004 thomas bates

BLACK MAN ON THE METRO

i entered the car behind another
you were already sitting down
the one man sits infront
and i sat diagonally from behind
you got restless and uneasy
i did not give you my attention
you were safe in my eyes, as i looked outside
however at the next stop you got up to leave
glancing at me first before walking out the door
then you entered the other car before this one
what was wrong with the car we previously shared?
was it because the whites were surrounding you?
i was not asked if i wanted to be born into this skin
just as much as you were not asked to be born into yours
it was fate that did it, so why is there so much hate?
just because of my skin, do i inherit my race's mistakes
no... because you do not know me and you are quick...
quick to judge and who knows what else could have happened
i hope you shall be shown mercy and grace by someone
in that it will erase the many years of mistrust and hate
it is a shame the others after us...
have to pay for our past's mistakes

© 2005 thomas bates

A WALK IN THE SKY

i walk in the sky
if i fall, i shall die
i see the sun better as i go higher
my life gets lighter
i can touch the clouds
and shake their tears to the ground
i can see the moon coming up
as it chases the sun
i can see you under me
you raise your head and it's me you see
i walk in the sky
why don't you join me next time?

© 1993 thomas bates

BLACK

to the cemetery, he went
the lovely rose he passionately bent
the dirt of the fresh grave he touched
an engraving of the stone he took
tears of grief he cried
mourning for the one he loved who died

© 1994 thomas bates

INVENTORY TIME

the soft tapped rhythm soothes me
the rain drops on the window and roof
i lay here peacefully looking up at the ceiling
the room as black as an abandoned fire
as black as the ashes left behind
from all the bridges i had to burn in my life
i lay here thinking of everything from the week
i sift through them with a careful divider
as i put the evil into its place
and leave the good where it stands
i then contemplate over the lessons i have been taught
and i think of which out of those have i sincerely learned
then i think of those that i love who are dear to me
and then i try not to think of those i hate
when this is all done i try to relax my bones and skin
and fall asleep to the tap... tap... tap...
of the gentle rain outside bringing on a new day
like a baptism flood of renewal

© 2004 thomas bates

0000 0I00

i am ready
ready for the invading past
invading
invading into my small head
hitting me like a truck
falling on top of me from the sky
leaving me with nothing to say
except that i want to be alive
i am ready
ready for her love
0000 0I00
i am the fool in my life
faults... they surround me
i keep falling down
on my hands and knees
0000 0I00
i am ready
ready to open up
opening
opening up my veins to bleed
to bring down the shuttle
i am so ready to just feel
but i do not want to go
i see her as i kneel
hitting
hitting the ground as i fall down
0000 0I00
i'm just down here from your love
under the clouds of the cold beyond
taking me there
breathing life
i can see that you did love me
but i'm losing my eyes... goodbye
0000 0I00
time is my pain
reclaims me in the past
i didn't leave you
i just didn't get past my mistakes

© 2001 thomas bates

THE FIRES OF THE SC0RNED

ghosts of my past
in my head possess
they are always around
forever i am strung out
scarred by my many mistakes
in their eyes, i can see my fate
never to find rest and to be free
their judging eyes always upon me
never ceasing and never forgiving
forever in their flames i shall be

© 2005 thomas bates