#21

i feel like i am losing my humanity or my identity
i do not know who i was or who i have become
i feel like i am losing touch with the world
when i am home after a day of interaction i feel alone
i feel empty inside and somewhat regretful
feeling like i could have done better that day
all my conversations have become arrogant
and i talk about those i care for behind their backs
it is really starting to get noticeable
not probably by those around me but by me
i am my own worst critic and sometimes i think it is a good thing
maybe then i can figure out when to shut up and to put up
maybe then i can figure out how to talk to that certain someone
maybe then i can stop worrying about myself in the view of others
maybe then i do not have to feel alone or empty inside anymore
and finally feel good for a change and know it will all be alright
and finally then i can know how to truelly love again; however...
i have to take that first step to try to change myself for the better
before i get too close to the edge and fall over completely
to be buried by my failures, words, regrets and pain

© 2006 thomas bates